Well, I'm still alive and kicking, mostly. This past six to eight months have been a total trial of pain and survival.The rheumatoid arthritis flared up wickedly and attacked my lower back, where an old injury has made it susceptible to pain, jarring and sometimes it seems even breathing. Most of my time has been spent living in a hot bath to ease the agony.
In the midst of this, we lost three of our furry babies. The first was our beloved Dizzy. I wrote about that before and it hurts too much to go into again. Then a few months later, we lost our Biggy. I've mentioned Biggy before, and he is another rescue kitty that had a bad start and then years of love and safety with us. Losing those kids ripped out pieces of my heart that I can't get back. Despite their ages and their declining health, it still ripped us apart to see them go. Then a matter of weeks ago, our little Cosmo passed after a battle against poor health and seizures. He passed quietly in our arms, not scared, not in pain. He was only five years old.
These losses have hit us both so hard. We struggled and fought to keep these furry children healthy and safe, but there is only so much you can do to reverse or repair the effects of other people's destruction. Our efforts to rescue, protect and love provided these wonderful furry people with the best life we could, but it still feels as if we somehow failed.
I can honestly say that I also spent a lot of time extremely angry and hating those assholes that abused these kids and left them weakened and ill. I'm still fighting the rage and the urge to rip those lousy human beings apart for this.
However, I am trying to heal, to move on, and remember the beauty and the good. These kitties were a blessing and a joy to know. I know we'd both do the same thing again, to spare, preserve and love these kids who were dealt such a shitty hand in life.
Please, bear with as I put my thoughts in order and try to get back to work. Hopefully, I will have something more positive to talk about before long.
